Dreams of a Bad Boy: Only Teenage Antics

I’m nearing (a lie, I’m in) my late 20s, yet I believe I’m truly a teenager at heart. Of course everyone is a teenager at heart…take my father for instance, a hilarious man in his late 50’s who loves his toys, picks on family members for his amusement of their annoyance, and drinks Jameson like it’s going out of style. For the most part, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. However, my teenage embrace comes with the love of those fantastic cult movies and the heroic teenage heartthrobs in those films that make the world so wonderfully turn. These heartthrobs are who strengthen my fantasy of the idealistic partner…a partner that clearly doesn’t exist.

Take for instance, Pump Up the Volume….Christian Slater…my first cult film love. So dark, mysterious, and gorgeous…his role as Mark Hunter created an enigma…fascination…you can even call it an obsession for me. He became my idealistic man…a bad boy, but oh so right…the voice of his generation who inspires his peers, slaps authority in the face, and takes Loretta Creswood on a journey of pure lust. But like the mind of a young teenager…out of sight becomes out of mind…particularly as a man like this was no where in sight. Shortly I became preoccupied with other high school dilemmas, and eventually, a new heartthrob came strolling along. Until again, no man around me carried the ideals and characteristics I was looking for…repeating a vicious cycle.

So this brings us to present day…and my fascination continues. Of course, as I become older, the heartthrob becomes less attractive (mostly due to the realism of let downs), but not all is lost. As shown with the latest cult film…Twilight…with beautiful, hypnotic, and oh so gorgeous Robert Pattinson. I close my eyes and imagine him sweeping me away to a world of romanticism. But the true question…is my life so bland that I need these fantasies (I’m quite positive this topic has already been covered in tis a life of a 20-something)? Or is it that the enigmatic man doesn’t exist, forcing me into the realm of fantasy? Or are these two questions, in fact, the same? It’s not just the mystery of Edward Cullen, but the etiquette this character portrays…opening the car door, removing the coat of his date, paying for dinner though he’s not eating himself, showing his protection by placing his arm around her lower back, introducing her so quickly to his family, and being sensitive…yet intense, sensual…yet sexual. It’s the loving affection every female yearns for. Yet it’s the chase…and bad boy image every woman aches for.

I’ve done my fair share of dating the male species…anywhere from 7 years younger to 7 years older than myself. Hell…I’ve even worked as a bartender…constantly surrounded by men swooning over me. And the reason for this swoon is simple, I made them feel better about themselves through the intoxication of alcohol. Yes the attention really boosts your ego, but practicality really awakens you with that drunken thought, along with their “ATM deposits,” “phone calls from heaven,” and “cloths on the floor” pick up lines…proving the idealistic man doesn’t exist, as these swooning men don’t do much in the swooning department.

Since we’re back in reality, I’m sure Robert Pattinson is nothing like his character Edward, and I’m not talking about the vampire aspect either. I don’t know him personally, but taking into account his ripe age of 22 and adding my own personal knowledge of men, the likelihood of him actually having this bad boy image combined with the loving affection I hope for, is very slim-to-none.

Realizing this, I still have these fantasies…in hopes that this male I throb for is out there…waiting for me. In the film Twilight, Edward tells Bella “you don’t have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you.” Considering he’s just shy of 100 years old…and the fact that he ate humans for a good portion of that time (being the absolute bad boy), then you have to ponder the idea that the rest of us are absolutely screwed…seeing as we don’t have 100 years to wait around for the bad boy to be loving and affectionate towards us.

I know all to well, like many women out there, that there is no possibility of hope, which is a contradiction of the hope I described a second ago. And when you do find that “bad boy”…the chase isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. The loving affection isn’t there, just the bad boy…who pretty much treats you like dirt…never taking your feelings into consideration, and more than likely treating multiple women the same way at the same time. But like many women out there, we hope to change this feature, forcing these boys to give us the loving affection we need. However, I’ve NEVER seen an instance where this actually works out, but rather, the bad boy leaves this tireless effort of change in the dust. But a woman’s brain works like this…we want what we can’t have, as the saying goes. It’s the story of the lamb falling in love with the lion, but the lion mulls the lamb rather than returning that feeling.

But to have these fantasies…is it what keeps us thriving? Or is it a tragedy, giving us a gloomy and cynical attitude on men and relationships…therefore forcing us to grab hold to the first “descent” boy that walks by…but he’s not the man we crave…not the idealistic dream we have hoped for.

Like I said, as my age climbs, the less I find myself enthralled by these heartthrobs. With the men around me failing to impress and following my teenage antics…my mind wonders and soon, out of sight will become out of mind. But it’s the crave, my age, and my past relationships that have me deadlocked and attached to this ideal. It’s truly a depressing thought…so cynical yet so hopeful.

But just maybe I need to take a better look at reality…no one is perfect, including myself. I’m sure I ruined any chance at a normal relationship with these high whimsical expectations of my partner. After all, it’s just a movie…Edward Cullen is not real…or Mark Hunter for that matter. Movies are meant to take you to a world of fantasy…maybe I take that fantasy to far, trying to extend it into my every day life, forcing it upon the “descent” boy. But instead, maybe I need to take him for what he is…and be a little more understanding of the men in my reality. I’m sure I could truly be happy with someone despite him not having the ideals and characteristics I dream for. And maybe that reality will make the relationship even better than I could have hoped. Or maybe I missed my calling as an actress, losing the chance to physically live out my fantasies through film.

I guess I don’t really know where I’m going with this blog…other than I’m currently crushing on Robert Pattinson…or is it Edward Cullen…and hope that he will one day come and sweep me away. But at some point in my life, I will need to stop living in a fantasy world and come to true grips with reality. Damn the man for giving me this idealistic thought of what I need from a man…damn the man for giving this idealistic thought to every woman who watches Christian Bale, Mark Walberg, George Clooney, or Johnny Depp…it ruins hopes…relationships…and fantasies.

But if anything, maybe my future boyfriend will read this blog and know exactly how to electrify me…or he’ll be so frightened with pressure he’ll run for the hills.